You don't always get what you want, but you get what you need

Tommorrow I get to take Miss Lily to Dr. Pew for a check up. For those of you who don't know, Lily is not well. But I will back up, and tell the entire story....
After Rosie's death I began my search for a new bulldog puppy. I asked Dr. Pew's office for references. I checked KSL , craigs list, and a bunch of other online sources. I interviewed dog handlers, vets, breeders and owners. I spent close to 3 weeks searching and searching for a new dog. I wanted a dog that could help fill the giant hole that Rosie left in our hearts. I had a pretty specific criteria. Must be female. Must not be white or tiger striped (memories of past dogs are hard to contain) must have a lose cork or spiked tail. Must have 1 or more parents under 50 lbs. Must have large nares (nose holes) ... the list goes on. Anyway after interviewing 8 professionals, narrowing it down to 3 breeders, visit 2 litters of pups, I choose Lily. We are excited to bring her home. The night that I get her home, I notice that she is not breathing very well. She sounds stuffy and congested. I wonder if she has a cold. I already have a well puppy visit scheduled with a vet for the morning, so I don't worry too much about it, we'll figure it out tomorrow. We play together, she snuggles with all of us, and works her way DEEPLY into our hearts. I pray for some healing for our little family and hope this pup can bring us some happier times. Puppies have to go out a lot, so I put my sleeping bag in the kitchen and make myself comfortable. I  do not like how this puppy is breathing, and I get very concerned. Yet another night of no sleep listening to the raspy breathing of a dog...not a good thing. Throughout the night, she coughs often. A gagging choking cough. I feel more dementors. We make it through the night, and head to the vets office. After a thorough exam, the vet declares that Lily has way too long of a soft palette, that it is constricting her airway, and she could very easily pass out and die on the spot. That I should take this dog back as soon as possible, and if it were her we should get our money back. POP!
Burst the excitement bubble. I cannot deal with another dog dying so soon. I just can't. I seriously do not know what to do.Somehow I maintain my composure long enough to make it outside where I full on lose it. In hysterics I call Clint. He agrees to meet me at home. I can barely drive. I am physically shaking, and as soon as I get home I have to throw up. Clint decides we should quickly get another opinion. So I get another appointment, and we gather up Lily's things. I pack her red blankie that I made for her, her green alligator, and the nylabone she loves to chew. I pack up, so we can take her back to the breeder if we need too. I am hysterical. We see another vet who tells us she agrees with the first vet, but only partially. She agrees this dog is broken. Her soft palette is too large. She could choke, BUT in her opinion, the dog will pass out, the airway will relax, and the dog will wake up. She most likely will not die. Soft palettes can be removed. If it were her she would keep the dog, have the surgery done when the time comes, and learn to love this sweet little thing. She basically said we bought a bulldog. They all have problems. So, we can keep this one and deal with her problems, or get another one, and deal with their problems.  She also mentioned that we take Lily to Dr. Pew for a professional opinion. Dr. Pew is a vet in Orem. he is not just any vet. He is THE VET when it comes to bulldogs and other bully breeds. He is on the National Board of Directors for the Bulldog Association, and in short he is the sought out professional, the expert that teaches the experts, and he lives in our backyard. So to Dr. Pew we go. The breeder joins us. At his visit he sedates Miss Lily so he can really get a view of her soft palette and throat structure. He takes x rays. He comes back with a diagnosis. He comes back with a few answers. She is called a brachiocephalic breed (which means her face is squished so she has a short airway). Yes. She has too long of a soft palette and it is constricting her airway. No. it is not the worst he's ever seen. It is however a bit deformed, which is causing most of her breathing troubles.Yes it can be repaired. Yes, her nose holes are a little small. Yes, they can be repaired. She also has an extremely narrow trachea. it is at about 50% of the size it should be, one of the smallest he has ever seen.no, it cannot be surgically repaired. So now imagine sucking all your air through a straw. Then throw a ballon (soft palette) over it. That leads to gasping for air and choking. Will she drop dead...probably not. We must be careful to not let her get over heated. Will she pass out...maybe. Let's not let her get to that point. She can choke when she eats so I need to feed her one kibble at a time. He taught me how to do the doggie heimlich so I can help her when she chokes. She can't play too hard or get too hot. She will require surgery when she gets older. So. Where does that leave us now? Well, obviously we kept her.This dog is broken. This dog requires a lot of attention. This dog will be expensive. In reality, this dog should be put down. Her medical needs are going to be way too much effort.  But we kept her.  Why?
Clint said to me
"You don't always get what you want, but you get what you need."
I asked him how he could say that? We need a dog to be healthy, to bring us healing, something to bring us happiness, and I searched and searched, interviewed all those people and was lead to a broken dog that scares the crap out me in the middle of the night when she gags and chokes, how can this be what I need? His reply?
"Yup. She needed someone who can take care of her, and she got us."