I recently went on a fabulous trip to Florida, and while I was gone, JB had to do a few things with out me. She had to set her alarm by herself and get up in time to meet the school bus at the bottom of the hill. She did all of these things completely and full on her own. No Problem. This blog is NOT about wondering if JB has the capability to get herself up and off to the school bus. She has clearly shown that she is perfectly capable. This blog IS about me. (of course) Before I left on my trip, I would normally get up to see JB off to school. She still got up on her own, got dressed, and came upstairs for breakfast. We would chat about the plans for the day, homework that needed to be turned in etc. If it was raining out, I might be persuaded to drive her down to the bus stop rather than make her walk in the rain. While I was gone, Bill did not get up to see her off. He just slept in and let her do her thing, which, again, she did without any problems.
Now I am home again. I still want to get up in the morning to see JB off to school. I like chatting with her. I don't mind driving her down to the bus stop when it is raining. Bill says I need to sleep in and let her do her own thing. That it's good for her to be independent. I agree with him...but only a little. My reservation is not with her being independent. I am all for it. I am reserved for other reasons....
Just after high school graduation, Jason, a young man in my graduating class, the school valedictorian and principal's son was riding his motorcycle to his girlfriends house. An elderly gentleman didn't see him coming and proceeded to drive his car across the intersection, hitting the motorcycle and killing Jason instantly. At his funeral, I remember hearing that his mother was distraught because she had just argued with him about going to his girl friends house, and that her last words to her son were words of anger. Looking back, I have NO idea if this was even true, but I do know the thought of that moment has forever stuck in my mind. This was YEARS before JB ever came to live with us, but I have always been conscious that my last words to her when we part are never words of anger. Sometimes it's hard. I can be very angry but still give her a hug and explain that I am upset right now, but I still love her very much. So for me, getting up to see her off is not about trying to keep her from being independent, but more about telling her I care for her before she goes away. I don't know God's plans. I don't know that some crazy isn't going to go into the school and do something stupid, or the bus won't crash, or that I will have a heart attack or fall down the stairs, and won't talk to her again for what could seem a very, very, long time.
So now I'm torn. Sleep in, or get up? What do you do?
4 comments:
I don't think getting up to see your child off is taking away their independence. I think waking them up, picking out their clothes, making their breakfast, packing their lunch, and driving them to school WOULD be.
I like the idea of my kids seeing ME getting up and getting ready and being ready to act where needed. I want them to see that my own life and day is important, too. I think it will give them a sense of value when they are the wife and mother.
I agree with you that there are never enough moments to tell our kids we love them. And on a practical note, I have this weird fear that if I don't see my child every morning and then they get kidnapped, I wouldn't be able to tell the police what they were wearing that day so they could put out a missing persons report. Don't laugh.... it really scares me!!!
Ok, I giggled, but NOT because I was laughing at you, but because I FULLY understand what you mean about being able to describe them to police. I fear that too! That is also part of the reason nearly every day of JB's life has been photographed. I am flabbergasted when parents ONLY have the school photo of their kids. They change so fast you gotta keep it current! :-) Love you!!!!!!
I think you do what your heart encourages you to do and you get up and be present with her and experience the happiness that it gives both of you. One of my most favorite things about you is the depth of the care & you so generously give to the ones you love.
I don't remember sleeping in much when you were in school, but then my memory is fading. I do remember telling you the bus was coming and you didn't believe me because it was April 1st. You and sis missed the bus and had to walk the 1/2 mile to the highway for the bus to come back! :) Loved you anyway!!
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