Lenten Reflection: Feb. 16

John 6:35

King James Version (KJV)

³⁵ And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

My reflection: This is one (of many, I might add) scripture passages, that I understand with my head, but don't necessarily feel with my heart. I understand that it is not talking just of physical food, and that there is starvation and hunger throughout the world, whether people believe in Christianity or not. I know it is meant to be understood on more of a spiritual plane, and talks about the feeding of the soul. But here, again, I take issue. The last few years have taken their toll on my family, and my faith has taken a serious hit. I continue to believe, but I have to admit my mustard seed tends to get a little bit smaller every year. Even though I continue to attend church on a regular basis, and continue the praying, and have even taken up meditation and yoga and scripture study...I often do not feel satisfied with the results. I continue to feel let down, ignored, and frankly REALLY pissed off, and a lot of times I just want to say screw you, God. I'm done with this $#!%. But, then I have to think about all of the blessings I do have, and I think that God probably knows all about my little bit of a rebellious streak and is probably laughing at my temper tantrums, and it is all part of "the plan" for me anyway. So, here I stand. Still at the corner of Unsure and Hesitant, just taking it day by day, and praying that at the end of this ride, the answers to my soul's questions are actually good ones.